Ok! I have a confession to make. I'm tired of this blog-thingy. This has always been the problem with me, if I'm not enthusiastic about something all the time or if my enthusiasm dies during a process of something I get bored and tired and my passion vanishes. I can't go on doing stuff I don't like, if I'm not burning for the thing I am doing. And lets admit I haven't been a very active blogger. So now I've tried having a personal blog and a facebook account and discovered that they aren't for me. Bye for now! Who knows maybe I'll write a thing or two when I feel the itch in my hands.

I have no inspiration....I'm stressed out for a change even though my attitude towards life is sound and healthy. I just can't do anything about that I have two tests this week and that I have to travel four hours tomorrow just for a course AND I have to hand in a book summary this week. I'm screwed! And did I mention I hate travelling by trains.

Nightmare

I had such a weird nightmare this morning. In my dream one of my cousins had become a psychopath and tried to burn down our house. When I tried to escape, he set fire on me. This dream was too intense for me and I woke up all sweaty. Normally I forget many details from my dreams but this one was different. Nice way to start a day huh?!

Seriously!

I learnt a new thing today, during my control check-up with gynacologist. It's a male, but really it didn't matter. He asked me if I'd like to take an HPV test, I declined as he took one five years ago. Then he told me about the papillom virus and said that in 99,8 % cases of cervical cancer is this virus involved. In other words women who have been infected by this virus tend to develop cervical cancer later on. He asked me to come and visit only if I have a problem and said in a very nice way that "it is not a chronic disease to be a woman", like the media want us to believe.
So the cervical cancer is a "fruit" of free sexuality....Maybe that's why fucking around is forbidden in some cultures (even if it's done stealthily).

The freedom of using your body the way you wan't is a good thing but the social pressure that comes along with it is maybe the main problem. I remember how I was reminded from time to time about my unconventional sexual behaviour which didn't include kissing random guys or having sex during my adolescence just on trial basis again with a random guy. To share my intimate parts with anybody was just not my cup of tea. But there was this pressure that teenagers used to put on eachother to lose their virginity and brag about how many people they've been with....you get the point!

I hope our coming generations learn that sex is one of the most beautiful things in the world when love and passion are involved in the picture. Call me old fashioned but its worth waiting for, in my opinion. Ok now I'm starting to sound like a 50 year old mom!


Artist: Momar Ndiaye

I'm pregnant :D

And these are my twins to be....


I'm so happy!! These babies are on their way home to me!! I've been drooling for them for about an year, and they are sooo hard to find, I've searched for them in almost every internet shop i've known. Vagabond had them once 2007, and silly me who didn'y buy them at that time. I know that juusto and vero won't like them but I'll still love my twins!

Substitute for lo....school

I was complaining to a friend of mine about the fact the nobody has called me ever since I quit working as a daycare assistant. I called various schools to confirm my availability as a substitute when needed but it seemed like my assistance was unwanted, until three o'clock this afternoon when a lady asked me to be a subsitute for her on friday. I was filled with joy!!!

But then I started thinking about how much time has passed since I touched any of the mathematics, geography and biology books. Back in the days I was a topper when it came to maths and biology, but now I just know a bit about religion and psychology. When I thought even harder another thing struck me, what if these 5 graders know more than me??

But does it really matter if a 10 year old knows more than a 25 year old. No, not really. I just have to admit in front of the class about stuff that I don't know anything about. It's hard to face the reality but I don't have any other choice and this is just the beginning of my career. I suppose there'd be more and even harder challanges to face in my coming profession.

Labour day and labour day's eve

Well well, where to start? I've been enjoying my ass off. It all started on thursday with a picnic with fellow students and good food. The day ended with the student unions dinner. In great company and all dressed up we found ourselves eating well prepared food. However, the lame "sitz" character of the party was one of the let downs, along with the music you couldn't shake to. But the dessert was great.

On labour's day we started with a picnic again, we sat on vårdberget for hours and I happened to get a tan. Afterwards, all of us went to the basketball court near us and played basket ball. We were about seven so we had a great game. We even had spectators. After about two hours of a fast game we tried to have a power nap but none of us could sleep. So well gathered again and ended our lovely day with a slow ice-hockey match, and finland won!

It's funny how much time I spend with my fiancés friends. Maybe because I'm kind of a tom boy and feel more comfortable in relaxed environment. Of course I love my friends too, but girls usually never tell you if there is any problem in a straight forward manner. They usually throw it in your face in different ways. And I sometimes wonder if they really spend time making up different dialogues with incorporated nastiness. I'll give you an example, One of my friends once said something in this way to me "you don't have a problem with other guys touching you, but I do". And then I thought about why would she say something like that to me...and then I remembered. There was a fellow student who was, about five years younger and for me like a little brother, showing me how to give a neck massage (and not really giving one). She interpret the situation, judged me on that basis and passed on a nasty comment after about one month. Of course there are guys to who could behave in this way but the ones I've hung out with would ask frankly.

People usually stigmatise platonic relations between men and women in eastern cultures but why do people do it here in the west? So what's the use of a free culture if the mentality has stopped developing after 19th century?

And another thing I discussed with some of my girl friends is their amiguous behaviour. I am a person who talks about everything and that includes everything! But some of my finnish girl friends find it indecent to for example talk about sex. The ambiguity of the situation is that they don't mind having a lot of sex, drunk with different people but talking about it is somehow indecent and not ladylike..?!! I personally think that a person's actions are indecent (if you like judging people) and not his/her words. And the strange thing is that my friends are western and I come from an old and "backward" eastern culture.

What a lovely day!!!

Today was full of love, italian ice-cream, sun, basketball and my favourite game at the moment burnout 3! What more can I ask for!

This song can pretty much explain my mood! Enjoy!!

Try staring at the four dots for about 30 s and then close your eyes.


Its been an interesting week. I'm back on course for my studies especially theology. I've been excersizing. I've been shopping but I only spent 2 euros on rubber gloves. This must be the first time in my life that I went shopping with someone and didn't buy anything else than the essential rubber gloves. Well well, I just need money to buy stuff.

Yaay! I just read that Dan Brown is releasing a sequal to Da Vinci code in september. Can't wait to listen to the book as I don't reall like reading, I cannot concentrate hard enough while reading. Listning, on the other hand makes me feel like somebody is telling me a story. By the way Åbo's cahedral's altar is decorated with a piece of art based on The last supper and I stared at it for a looong time and came to one conclusion, that the person sitting to Jesus's right is a woman or else it's a very feminine man with soft skin, no beard, nice curly hair, narrow shoulders and totally non muscular hands, unlike the other disciples...Just go and have a look! Maybe it's unnecessary to write all this, but I'm not writing this to offend anyone, its just fun to investigate a bit....just a bit....

The kinder love story

The guy who created kinder eggs must a genius! Such an exciting sort of sweet.


I still remember how I met this exciting thing and fell in love with it. It was a cold october evening, my second in Finland. One of my first friends in Finland got money from her mother to buy some candy for me and her. I wanted the egg that looked so inviting. She bought one for me and one for herself, they were 3 marks something back then. I just couldn't wait to open and see what kind of sweet she had bought for me. I opened it and ate the delicious 2 in 1 chocolate, milk and white! I discovered the yellow capsule inside and didn't know what to expect. I somehow managed to open it and to my surprise (yeah I know) there were small bits inside. I looked at the instructions and with a concentration level at its top I assembled them and voilà I created my first kindersurprise turtoise with wheels.
Our love has grown ever since. The detailed toys are just admirable. I've collected almost a kilo of these cute toys. This egg always bring a smile on my face as it is so full of surprises some good as in stuff to build, some bad like pussles and readymade toys. I still buy them and every single time I experience immense excitement.

Worst movie ever!

Who would've guessed that a movie with vampires could suck so much ass?! Bad acting, bad direction too much talking (about worthless stuff), no action and the constant heavy breathing. Yes, I'm talking about Twilight! I usually love watching vampire movies but I couln't tolerate this one. I think this one sold because of a good looking guy. Unfotunately it's not enough for me.

One movie that contained a really cute looking guy is Bolt. I could recommend this one because of its innocence.

Facebook

I just deactivated my facebook account. It got boring and above all I keep in touch with the friends i like through phone, of course facebook was free but I guess it was nothing for me anymore. I've never ever joined internet communities, this was the first one on temporary basis. But it lasted for more than a year.
The concept of facebook was good but having people who've never ever greeted you on the street as facebook friends is just weird. And how some people are always spying on others. I just got tired of facebook.........it could be compared to an addictive drug.

Ok enough about facebook. I can tell you what I've been doing the last few days.....nada! I was such a hardworking woman last week but this week has made me lazy. I have met friends and done stuff but I can't put myself into my studies or in household chores. So the house looks like a playground of dirt and filth. Maybe I should stop blogging and start cleaning....

Was going through my collection of pictures when this picture caught my eye. I remember standing there and a feeling of being in another world filled my body and my mind. I've dreamt of a visiting a place this after getting lost in surrealistic art where there are stairs everywhere in different directions. Thats what life feels like sometimes in a strange but a soothing way. You sometimes don't know which way to go or which staricase to take, you see people taking the wrong one. You know its wrong as you too climbed these steps once. You meet people on different staircases as in different stages of life. Some, you never see again.

Stairs by Vanitty from Deviantart.com

I just love condensed milk. I've grown up with it as most Indian/Punjabi sweets are made of milk, which is condensed by cooking, sometimes until its dry. And yes it tastes much better than the canned one, because of its natural texture and sweetness regulation according to your taste. Anyways I bought two cans of condensed milk and wanted to do something creative with it. I found a very easy recipe of a cake on the Internet.

As I only use recipes for inspiration and I never follow them completely. I always experiment. They usually work as I imagine the taste in my head, and try to combine different tastes because good food is my passion. So this time I used this very easy recipe and did nothing more dramatic than increasing the amount of butter (as always), putting lemon peel and lemon juice in the batter to enhance the taste of condensed milk. I also cooked a little condensed milk in a pan without the tin to make it thicker. I then glazed the cake with this frosting. I also added a pinch of salt to reduce the smell of eggs.

The final product is very easy to do something creative with. Anything could work this...fruits, berries, nuts, chocolate.....

Here's the recipe

Aftonbladet

Recently I've been feeling so productive that I've started working on a course which has its deadline in may. This behaviour has involved a lot time in front of the computer. I usually take constant breaks in the writing process and surf the internet and I have a small problem. The problem is that I just visit two or three (maximum 5) sites while having a break.

A swedish tabloid named Aftonbladet is included in these 4 or 5 sites. Its just a crappy newspaper written by the dumb for the dumb. The news are allways biased in foolish directions and always exaggerated. The language is so undeveloped that it seems to be written by a 5 year old. The content, now thats an example for itself! The content is overloaded by sex. Writing about rapes making these problems visible is just a good thing, because our society needs know the problems that women (and sometimes men) and children face. However I don't need to see different sexual positions when I read a newspaper in the morning or which celebrity slept with whom or how fat I am and ten ways to get rid of the extra fat so that I could achieve a
six-pack until summer. Achieving a six-pack is according to this newspaper the only way to show myself in a bikini. I usually get depressed when I read this tabloid because of its hipocricy and it tells me about the horrible world I'm living in. But is this worold really that horrible?

I once stopped reading this journal and believe or not, I felt much better, I was happier. But then I fell into the misuse again. It is so hard to not click on the link in the bookmarks. And I really feel stupid for that. From today on I'll try to quit reading this stupid newspaper because I let it affect my life too much.

Marriages

I recently sat and thought about marriage system in India and Finland and the differences between them. In India it is more common with arrange marriages but nowadays love marriages (i.e. the western way) are also becoming more and more acceptable. In the past love marriages weren't considered as something to be strived for because of the consequences seen in the west, in other words a lot of divorces.

Arranged marriages work because both in the couple try to fit in with eachother, do compromises and try not to give up so easily. But you still are married to a stranger, whom you chose yourself, and the thought of that scares me. Sometimes people even sacrifice themselves for children sake and stay in a bad marriage as divorces are harsh on kids. (So are some bad marriages). In west it's common with the phrase "your kids, my kids and our kids"; step-siblings, halv-siblings, stepmothers and fathers are, for me an absurd, reality in every other finnish kid's life.

I am not trying to justify arranged marriages or defame love marriages as I don't think that the problem lies in the marriagesystems, it is the mentality. In India it is expected of the girl to bring a big dowry along with her, as marriage is something that happens between two families. In the poorer regions the girl's family is not allowed to live peacefully by the society if the girl is seperated from her huband. But these things are gradually changing and the middle-class and upper middle-class people already are more broad minded.

In the west people usually give up too easily on marriages and rush in some cases after that into unwanted relations just to not feel lonely. To get a divorce you just sign two papers and demolish the house of love that you had built brick for brick. But thank god that mentality is changing. Of what I've seen people are becoming more serious about the constitution of marriage and about building a family. People nowadays tend to fight more to make relations work. Of course it has to be done from both sides, but still.

To be clear, I'm writing this on the basis of what I've seen in majority in both countries. So don't blame me for generalising. Here I would like to cite a famous comedian Russell Peters "I don't make up stereotypes, I see them".

Back from India

Yeah and my trip to India is over. I am engaged with the man of my life. I got to see my sweet sweet niece who is just 1 month old. With a stronger indian identity I feel at eaze with myself.

I must admit that I was impressed how my ALL my relatives accepted my fiancé open mindedly without ANY prejudices. They loved to talk to him and vice versa. As he's not a shy person he loved spending time with my grandpas and cousins.

We just had so much fun. I showed him places I loved. He also tasted my favourite dishes. And above all we had an engagement party in the way we always wanted i.e. the real indian way, with lots of happy people, lots of dance and lots of really good food.

Namaste

And I'm on my way to India, after sooo many years. This time its special. As my finish boyfriend is coming with me. My relatives and my boyfriend are very excited to meet eachother. He's more excited than me. It's weird that whenever I visit India, It never feels that I'm going on a journey. More like I'm going to my second home. But It always feels good to come to Finland as, believe it not, I belong here.

The funny part is that I haven't told my granpa (dad's side) that I'm coming so it'll be a surprise for him, hopefully a pleasant one. So I'm going to Punjab. Chandigarh is my hometown. But wish me a nice journey!

Karma

A random memory popped up in front of my eyes when I told a friend to wipe the side of his lips as he had a (big) drop of mayonaise there, while eating a hamburger. Here's the scene. Last summer I was looking for a job and I was called for an interview. The guy who interviewed me seemed to be the boss, an employer or some kind of leader. A person on a higher post. Anyways, he had cooked tea and coffee for this interview and served chocolate cookies to go with it. I took a little tea but not the cookies as I didn't feel like eating. After the first five minutes I noticed that he had a big spot of chocolate on his cheek. I don't know how he managed to get i there. He just wen't on asking questions and babbling about his job. I just didn't know what to do! Normally I would point this kind of stuff out, as I expect people to do the same when its me. But this situation was just to awkward, so guess what...I kept quite about the spot. When the interview was over I went home. And no, I didn't get the job.

The same thing happened to me earlier this week. I wen't to a person's home with snot under my nose. I personally find it very disgusting. I had been at this person's house for about fifteen minutes until I went to the toilet to blow my nose. To my my surprise I found this wet, green and grey stuff visibly located on the "mustasch" area. And yes, I really was pissed off. I guess that's what they call bad karma!

There's a reason why brains and mouths are included in human anatomy!

I've been discussing back and forth the phenomenon that exists to my knowledge in Finland (or maybe only in the fenno-swedish area). A phenomena where the word "opinion" in itself is a big deal! I know that there are some people who don't dare to say their opinions out loud in many cultures. In some violent cultures, people are afraid of getting beaten up or even killed for saying the wrong thing or the thing the the majority doesn't like. But what the hell are Finnish people afraid of?

I see from time to time in social gatherings like organisation meetings, or at work places or even in friend circles that people usually go with the flow rather than opposing, even when they strongly disapprove. Finns are most likely to bite their teeth together, go home and be embittered by the decisions made. Then the person in charge is cursed ALWAYS behind the back. This person is then called an inconsiderate jerk just because no one else could say what they really felt and this person is supposed to magically know everyone else's thoughts.

The most stupid thing that usually is said "It makes no difference to me", when you seek for somebody's opinion in the vital AND non-vital situations. Even in small discussions where no decision are being made people chicken out. And don't say that it really doesn't make any difference because everybody including you know it does!

Finland

I sometimes wonder how it is possible that honesty and kindheartedness exist parallel to rasism and selfcenteredness in the hearts of the finnish people. Sometimes the honesty among finns could be compared to naivety, but thats just an indicator of pure hearts, to me. Some of my kindhearted finnish friends get "run over" by others again and again but they still don't give up the hope. And I guess that's what they call sisu here and it is admirable!

Pic borrowed from here

Barbies and sticks

I was at a restaurant the other day with a good friend of mine. We tried to solve mysteries of life. We talked about our futures and our pasts. About how we grew up, what we played with. And if you discuss toys and games barbies are an unavoidable topic. We both agreed on barbies' unfunctional role in games and plays. It is after all a poor toy for enhancing children's creativity. We still played with them.

One thing that we (me and her) didn't have incommon was the roleplay that kids usually have with their toys i.e. when they lose themselves to another world by just using two sticks or a doll or a car and just pretend. And they can sit for hours making up stories, talking to themselves. She said that there comes a day when you just stop playing, when you stop creating this imaginary world, when you find all this silly. I think that day came into my life quite early. I allways envied children, like my little brother, who could put life into his Gi-joes, who could see stuff that I couldn't see. My barbies are and have always been dead.

But I realise now that I created my world in my head. I didn't need toys or to talk to myself to diappear in another dimension. All I needed was to shut my eyes and the world around me was gone. So to think about it, that day hasn't still come in my life. I still do that, closing my eyes and creating another world, another dimensions, where I am a prince or a bird or lifeless doll who somehow can feel the world around her.

Allra första

Jag har länge funderat på att starta en blogg, men av någon konstig anledning har det inte blivit av. Jag har ändå velat skriva ner mina tankar någonstans, skriver ju inte för hand längre och att skriva i en textdokument skulle kännas löjligt så bloggen får vara min "tankevädringsområde". Får se hur detta går.